Cafeteria

So, today requires a second post.

I dragged myself to the cafeteria, searching for something sticky and carbohydrate-laden that could possibly rejuvenate me. I made-do with an english muffin and a yogurt cup, which is a surprising value here in the complex. Being that the room was entirely empty, I had my choice of tables and picked one near the windows where I sat to enjoy my brunch and listen to the late eighties rock piping through the intercom.

I noticed something strange. A voice accompanied the tunes, singing along softly to "You Shook Me All Night Long" and making quiet murmurs. I assumed it was some fluke, a phone left off the hook back in the kitchen picking up the sounds of the dishwasher.

Then, the voice began to harass me.

"Hey, what you got there? Some toast?" I frowned and stopped chewing. "What kind of yogurt is that? Raspberry? Any good?" I cast a quick glance around to confirm my solitude, only to notice a large Samoan manning a turntable with a stack of records. That's right. There was a DJ in the lunchroom. And I was his audience. And he liked to chat it up.

Normally I might be in a more affable mood, more accepting of a boorish intrusion into my brief period of relaxation, but given my current state, it was difficult for me to remain composed. I wanted to hurl my Dannon Light at him, but instead I just stared intensely at my spoon. I was on the verge of snapping as he continued to pepper me with inane banter when an unwitting fellow employee came to my rescue. He rounded the corner holding a tray with a soda and some noodle salad. "Alright," he blurted, glancing at me. "I love this guy!" He set down his tray and proceeded to execute the silliest, most horrendous dance I have ever born witness to, thrusting his hips and pumping one fist in the air.

"Thank you, kind sir," I whispered under my breath, "for restoring my peace in your own strange manner. May your pocket protector never leak and your sticky notes adhere for eternity." I was able to finish my snack without any more commentary.